“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is one of those lies some folks like to repeat, despite the fact that words can and will do a lot of damage. Experience shows that some folks are particularly adept when it comes to creating biting insults that might mortify the target, but make everyone else chuckle.
Someone asked “What is the most brutal insult you’ve ever heard in your life?” and people shared their best examples. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to comment your own examples and experiences below.
#1
Good old Oscar Wilde provided many harsh, yet eloquent ways of being rude.
“Some people bring joy wherever they go. Some whenever they go.”.
Image credits: Validarian
#2
“I envy people who don’t know you.”.
Image credits: blackmesawest
#3
During a teenage fight with my brother, I repeated what I thought was an iconic line:
“Did you roll off the changing table as a baby?!?!”
Before he could answer, our mom replied, guilt ridden, from the other room:
“THAT ONLY HAPPENED TWICE!”.
Image credits: gloriomono
#4
“Your learning curve is a circle.”
Saw it on reddit once.
Image credits: Pandarenu
#5
Before I had braces my fifth grade teacher told me I look I could eat corn off the cob through a chain link fence.
Image credits: KaptOKrunch
#6
“I’m so happy you’re here. Give the people at home a break” Dylan Moran to a heckler at a comedy show i was at.
Image credits: CommanderKobe
#7
“Usually they throw out the placenta and keep the baby, but I see in your case they did the opposite “ – a Jamaican sheet rocker I used to work with.
Image credits: PantsOfALion
#8
Makes me think of:
“Your family tree is a wreath.”
Image credits: xRocketman52x
#9
Along the same lines:
“Knowledge seeks you, but you’re faster”
Image credits: coffeebreakhero
#10
I’ve said: “if you could understand why your wife was right to leave you then she wouldn’t have left you”.
Image credits: Grimdotdotdot
#11
I like”Everyone who ever loved you was wrong”.
Image credits: Deadsuooo
#12
In Germany we ask politely “Did the Swings in your childhood stand too close to the wall?”
Image credits: DollimusMaximus
#13
Probably not the most brutal,but I liked it alot…I remember some comments in Reddit before where a guy said to another dude something along lines:
”I f****d your mom last night”
And dude replied with the simple:
“So you’re a disappointment to both our mothers”
I started using it since because it was a nice comeback imo….
Image credits: RUSuper
#14
One day you will realise that your friends were right to leave you behind.
Image credits: Nullagainagain
#15
“Sending regrets I cannot attend your wedding. I’ll be sure to catch the next one.”
ETA: You seem like the type of guy who gets jealous of his girlfriend’s dog.
Image credits: -AppropriateLyrics
#16
Bessie Braddock MP to Winston Churchill “sir, if I were married to you, I would put poison in your coffee “
Winston Churchill “Madame, if I were married to you, I would drink it”.
Image credits: Brighton2k
#17
I’m not the quickest of wit, usually I’ll come up with something that would have eviscerated a person about 2 hours after the conversation had finished, but there was one shining moment where everything came together.
A group of idiot teenagers got onto the bus that I was on, being loud and abrasive, and one of them, as they were passing me, burped into my face.
Without skipping a beat, I sniffed the air and said “hmm, smells like c**k”.
It was wildly stupid to do given that there were a group of them, and it could have gone really badly for me, but his friends just collapsed in laughter and he turned beet red and just sat down sulking.
Image credits: TijoWasik
#18
Used to argue with a woman at my job. She cursed like a sailor, this place had no HR department to speak of. One time we were going at it over some protocol and she got so pissed she yells “BITE ME!”
Not skipping a beat I replied, “I don’t eat pork.”.
Image credits: MannyFaces
#19
You are the most fun when you are silent.
Image credits: shangolana
#20
“He’s so dense light bends around him!”
That’s the best way I’ve heard to call someone stupid. Delivered by Malcolm Tucker from The thick of it.
Image credits: semifunctionalme
#21
“If you had a single thought in your mind, it would die of loneliness.”.
#22
I was just recently on a school trip where I was chaperoning a bunch of high schoolers and we were having a bit of a roast battle and one of them says to me, “you look like someone who bought NFTs”
F*****g brutal.
#23
40 more IQ points and you’d be a moron.
#24
“I’ll not take a lecture from a man who looks like he’d struggle to read the back of a shampoo bottle”.
#25
First time I heard “Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others,” I told my mom about it and she thought it was obnoxious.
A few weeks later we went to a restaurant with my dad. It was raining so he dropped us off at the front, parked in a lot three blocks down, and raced back in the pouring rain. My dad makes good money but most of it goes towards the family, obviously. His single brother has the same job and had just bought his third sports car before heading off for a 2 week singles cruise.
As we watched my dad run towards us, my mom turned to me and said “Oscar Wilde may not have had it entirely wrong.”
#26
I dropped a bucket of paint at one of my first jobs.
A man that worked there for years turned to me and said “Good one d**k fingers you f**k everything you touch.”
It still hurts.
#27
When I was in elementary school, I remember a kid calling another kid he was arguing with a “penis wrinkle.”
I think about it all the time still, 30 years later.
#28
That time someone called Pete Davidson b******e eyes.
#29
Idk about most brutal but I once heard my mother call another woman a mattress backed b***h and thought it was pretty bad a*s as far as insults go.
#30
20 ish years ago…A friend of mine complimented a guys shirt in the bar. The guy didn’t take the compliment well, and actually got visibly upset. The guy accused my friend of being gay, which my friend coldly responded..
“Dude, i am straight, but even if I was gay, you’re not good looking enough”..it was f*****g beautiful.
#31
When asked for his thoughts on the migration of New Zealanders to Australia, the then Prime Minister of New Zealand stated that the “annual exodus of Kiwis to Australia raised the average IQ of both countries”.
#32
That gamer girl that told a dude getting on her “I’m gonna f**k your dad and get pregnant so I can give him a son he’ll love” (paraphrasing obviously).
#33
I was once told ‘if it wasn’t against the law we would literally kill you, which is why you should do it yourself.’ ironically ended up being on decent terms with the girls that said it, still not reaaaally what i needed to hear as a 12 year old lmao
EDIT: to clarify, these were girls in my class, yes they were 12 too. i don’t think they fully understood the weight of their words which is a big reason why we’re cool now.
#34
“You’re more annoying than the toe seam of a wet tube sock.” To be fair, in that moment, I deserved it.
#35
“You will never be loved”, still hits hard.
#36
You are not trying to be the person Mr. Rodgers wanted you to be.
#37
“You have delusions of adequacy” – commenter’s mom, apparently.
#38
Kind of blue-collar stuff but have seen white-collar people saying it in the oilfield business. There is a saying when one tries to outsmart the other. Heads up. Not classy at all.
“Don’t teach your father how to f*** your mom”.
#39
“You’re the reason abortion is legalized.”.
#40
Some dude was going on an on about this long winded story that he always seemed to like to tell. Someone said, “Oh my god. You should be in the Guinness Book of No One Gives a S**t!” that ended his story pretty quickly.
Also “You’re the type of guy who farts, but never has the s**t to back it up!” is always a solid one.
#41
My buddy had a dude from work try to pick a fight with him. Dude said something like “well maybe I’ll kick your a*s” and my friend responded with “if you fight as hard as you work, I got nothing to be worried about.”.
#42
Onetime I took a test and got none of the answers correct. Even someone who guesses on all the answers are very likely to get at least a few right yet I got none while trying. Because of this someone said to me “your not the clown you’re the entire circus”.
#43
“Your wife must have the cleanest vagina in the state because you’re the biggest douche I’ve ever met! “.
#44
Old retail job, an old guy (creepy pervert) was hitting on (sexually harassing) a 22 yo co-worker of mine. Basically called her beautiful (tbf, she was a lot more than just good looking) and saying that with looks like hers she’d be better off with him. Her response:
“Thanks, but I’d rather be here than with a guy who looks like if a s*****m had a kneecap.”.
#45
I came back from the barbers and said to my daughter (12 at the time).
“Daddy looks good, doesn’t he?”
She barely glanced at me before saying
“You look like something I drew with my left hand.”.
#46
There was a reddit thread about retail work awhile back where someone recounted a customer verbally abusing them. Another customer nearby chimed in
“Your adult children don’t speak to you do they.”
The reddit poster said they were looking at the problem customer when it happened and saw the insult land with devastating affect.
#47
You’ve got a head like a half sucked mango.
#48
I told my wife, jokingly, “You’re not the dumbest b***h who ever lived but you better hope she doesn’t die.”
Without missing a beat, my wife said, “Don’t worry, I’d remarry.”.
#49
Heard a comment a few years back at a hooters on Halloween when a fat chick dressed as a “zombie bride” was giving a guy s**t for hitting on her slightly more attractive friend. He turns to her and ask “What are you supposed to be? A gallon of milk?” ?.
#50
My sister delivered an insult in the form of advice when I was pursuing a girl…
“You can’t play hard to get if you’re hard to want.”
Devastating.
#51
Absolute stuck up brat of a girl at school, to a teacher: “Do you know who my dad is?”
Teacher, without hesitating for a second: “No, does you mum?”.
#52
I (heavily freckled) was trading insults with a buddy (as only friendly guys will do) and he said I looked like I had stood behind a flatulent cow.
I was devistated. I nearly shed a tear. I looked him straight in the the eye and said…
“No. It was your mom.”.
#53
Some kid posted on r/RoastMe when I was in high school, said he was religious. Somebody commented “Jesus would deny himself three time if he knew you were one of his followers.” And I have never been able to get that out of my head. It’s so f****n good.
#54
You make the happy meal sad.
#55
I had a drunk female patient at work one night who was belligerent, treating the staff like s**t, etc. I informed her we are merely trying to help her. She screams at me “do you know who I am?! My husband has a bridge named after him!” I calmly reply, “ma’am if I were married to you, I’d jump off that bridge.” This was the only time in my multi decade healthcare career that I was written up. The CEO of the entire hospital system consisting of facilities in multiple states personally called me and laughed about the whole thing…… specifically stating he’s golfed with the husband and the husband hates her.
#56
Our music teacher in middle school had really inflated lips, like bad plastic surgery looking lips.
She was reprimanding this girl in my class for something so the girl put her forearms together in front of her mouth and started opening and closing them like a massive mouth.
I liked that teacher but I couldn’t help but laugh…i still think about it. Classic.
#57
You could play chess alone and still lose.
You’ve only got 2 brain cells, and both are fighting for second place.
I feel bad for the trees that support your mouth breathing.
Ur mom gay.
#58
“Is your head flat at the back for, like, cultural reasons, or did even your parents not have the time to waste on you?”.
#59
Back in French class, we were tasked to figure out ways to insult one another.
The class opened with “French swear words” in order to get that out of the way, and then progressed to creative description of each other’s qualities..
I got put in front of a very pretty Russian girl and told to insult her, my mind went completely blank of French Vocab, and I told her I found her “boring”.
The class agreed that this was by far the most cutting insult we’d so far come up with.
#60
A friend of mine said this to an attention seeking chick in college – “you’re not pretty enough to be this dumb” ?.
#61
Someone with bad teeth was laughing and some guy said “Jesus christ look at those gnashers, you could eat an apple through a letterbox”.
#62
I heard someone say yesterday “the people that deal with you on a daily basis are real hero’s”. I cringed for the person on the end of that one.
