Going to the doctor can be frightening, intimidating and sometimes even embarrassing. You’re already ill or injured, and now you have to describe in great detail the symptoms you’ve been experiencing or how you ended up breaking a bone while filming a TikTok. So some of us decide that it’s best to simply conceal information from our doctors. In fact, one survey found that 23% of patients have lied during a medical visit.
But there’s really no point in trying to hide the truth, because doctors always know. Medical professionals on Reddit have been recalling the strangest tales that patients have told them, so we’ve gathered the most amusing ones below. Keep reading to find a conversation with Kevin Pho, MD, and remember to always be honest with yourself and your doctor!
#1
Am doctor. But this is a Med school story.
During ER rotation i guy came in with a banana up his butt. It went in too far and he needed medical attention.
Swore up and down that he tripped, fell on the stairs and accidentally sat on the banana.
After we fished the banana out my attending at the time came over said to me “just before he accidentally fell onto the banana, a condom magically got in the way”.
Image credits: -Opinionated-
#2
The number of virgins that I have diagnosed with STIs and/or pregnancy is astounding.
Image credits: cacapoopoopeepeshire
#3
Performed an urgent biopsy on a woman who came to the ER for breast pain. She had an obvious cancer that was what we call a fungating mass which is basically an ulcerating tumor literally growing through the skin. It was large, occupying most of her breast.
Despite this mass (and pungent odor that it produced) she was adamant that there wasn’t anything concerning and she had only come to the ER due to pain. She ‘knew’ this couldn’t be cancer because she had been told so by a holistic practitioner. She almost refused to be have a biopsy performed.
Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt.
Image credits: Live-AtTheTroubadour
To learn more about the lies that patients tend to tell medical professionals, we got in touch with Kevin Pho, MD, creator of KevinMD and host of The Podcast by KevinMD. Dr. Pho was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss similar experiences that he’s had.
“Patients do sometimes hold back or aren’t fully open about certain aspects of their health,” he shared. “In my experience, this can happen for a variety of reasons—some people feel embarrassed, worry about judgment, or are concerned about how sharing everything might affect how they’re perceived by their doctor.”
#4
I worked for an abortion provider in the late 90s/early 2000s. I heard lots of crazy stories, but my favorite is this girl, maybe around 17, came in for a procedure. She was with her mom, and they both kept insisting to us that she was a virgin, even though the ultrasound let us know, she was about eight weeks pregnant. Finally, the girl says something like “Oh! I think I know what happened. One time when we were making out, he came on my leg. There was a fan in the room and the fan must have just blown it it inside of me!”.
Image credits: NoWayRae
#5
Before 9/11, I rotated through a Navy ID Clinic at a large medical center. A sailor popped HIV+ and told me that he must have contracted it by backing up onto a door knob while naked in the head on ship. Part of the work up was swabbing urethra, a**s, and throat. The sailor tested positive for GC on all three sites.
He denied any human sexual activity in 2/3 of those orifices, leading one to believe he abused that poor door knob in a ferocious manner.
Image credits: AMostSoberFellow
#6
NAD but my dad's friend shot himself through the hand with a stolen gun and panicked so he put a stick in the hole and went to ER. The doctor said it must have been a very fast stick to cauterize the wound on its way in.
Image credits: samit2heck
As far as why patients withhold information, Dr. Pho says they might be nervous, embarrassed, or might not fully trust the medical system. “Some worry about how we, as doctors, will react to certain disclosures. Others may have concerns about potential consequences, like an official record that could affect their insurance or employment,” he added. “These fears can lead them to omit key information, which impacts our ability to provide the best care.”
#7
I have a slightly related story, the patient did admit to me but had been lying to other doctors for years.
I was seeing a patient for follow up after a heart attack. This was the patients third heart attack and he had problems from blockages in all his arteries. He had already had a few strokes, stents in his legs, previous bypass from his first heart attack.
I felt a bit bad for the guy, from the medication list he brought in he was on really good medication which should be preventing these things. He had been on them for years and they had been updated and increased over that time. All of which he had records of and could explain. Seemed like a really engaged patient.
Right at the end of the consultation he just out of the blue goes, “I’m going to level with you doc, I don’t take any of my pills, I don’t think they help, I just tell everyone I take them, I’ve never taken them”. So for years doctors have been increasing his pills and he had never been taking any of them. I just said “How’s that working out for you”.
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#8
When I was an optician, we had a patient come in that was having trouble with dry eyes. That’s okay, it happens. We asked several times if she wore contacts and she swore up and down she didn’t (she got contacts from us, which is how we knew), so we went through as normal. Doctor took her back and what do you know, she’s wearing contacts. Even after he took them out himself and showed her, she refused to acknowledge those were hers.
As she left she asked for a new contact rx.
Image credits: kaybet
#9
Patient with specific eczema that to us looks clearly fillers related, swore to her life she had never had fillers done… Awkward silence when the pathologist could see the material they use in fillers under the microscope..
Image credits: medicinexmed
Despite this temptation, it’s important to always tell medical professionals the truth. “Honesty is critical in a medical setting because it forms the foundation of effective treatment,” Dr. Pho shared. “When patients aren’t upfront, it’s like trying to solve a puzzle without all the pieces—we can miss important diagnoses or misinterpret symptoms.”
“For instance, a patient who minimizes their alcohol use might be at risk for certain complications that could otherwise be addressed early. In short, honesty allows us to tailor treatment and avoid unnecessary risks, ultimately protecting the patient’s health,” he explained.
#10
I was a patient in the ER. Woman in the bed next to me could not understand why she was in the ER. The nurse finally said, "You're here because you broke into someone's car and OD'ed. The owner of the car saved your life" I heard the patient then exclaim "I was just really tired and needed a place to nap!"
Image credits: Youasking
#11
Woman came into the OB ER in labor. We asked her if she has had any prenatal checks and she says she went to all of them. Asked her if she did an ultrasound and she said yes but left the results at home. We proceeded with vaginal delivery since the baby was already crowning (head already at the opening of the vaginal canal) and once the baby was out, we proceeded with caring for the baby and preparing for the placenta to come out. I put my fingers inside and felt… a foot near the opening. Turns out she was having twins, and the 2nd one was breech (feet as the presenting part). Good thing we managed to deliver the 2nd one vaginally and there were no complications, but soon we found out that the mother lied about having any prenatal checks and ultrasound done. She didn’t even know she was having twins.
Image credits: darcydidwhat
#12
Med student here, once in Psych appointments I saw patient say (several times) he hadn’t touched alcohol for years after a drinking problem, but then we checked the system and he was admited in the ER two weeks prior with alcohol in his blood… but he kept saying it was impossible!
Image credits: ConstantAd8558
“As doctors, we’re here to help, not to judge. Establishing open communication is a two-way street,” Dr. Pho added. “I encourage patients to see us as partners in their health—being upfront with us is the best way to get care that truly supports them. And we, as physicians, must foster an environment of trust and empathy so patients feel comfortable sharing openly.”
#13
A person came in with issues with her v*gina; soreness, discomfort and discharge. During examination it turned out there was a small rolled up photograph of Cliff Richard stuck inside. She denied any knowledge of it and acted shocked, and even said “how could I m*sturbate with a photo?” completely unprompted. Kind of a pertinent question really haha. Still not sure of the thought process there.
Image credits: Leptisci
#14
There was a guy who came in for a broken bone who failed to tell the people caring for him that there was a Gatorade bottle stuck on his p*nis.
Image credits: mom-whitebread
#15
My wife does obstetrics. She’s had people deny they were sexually active when she can show them an ultrasound of a 15-week foetus.
Image credits: AmigaBob
#16
That they were never pregnant.
Had a case in residency where a woman came in with her family, swore her water broke at home, and she was going into labor. The nurse couldn't find heart times so low key freaking out, call for a bedside US to confirm an intrauterine demise (still birth) . Well, put the ultrasound probe on and there's no baby. Family all at the bedside asking, what's going on? And this lady still wouldn't say anything. We were all looking at each other in this silent stand off…
We just said, sorry there's no baby. And the family was all sorts of confused, what do you mean no baby? Like the baby is dead? She didn't say anything so we left the room and discharged her. Pretty sure we checked and she had a negative pregnancy test too.
Image credits: tallychem
#17
I’m a hospital dietitian. One time I had a patient who always has very high blood sugar and needed tons of insulin to make it go down. This was a daily thing and several specialists even came in to consult to try to figure out why this person wasn’t responding to meds! After a few days a nurse caught the patient EATING CANDY from a bag they had stashed somewhere in the room. This m**********r laid in bed for days eating candy and said NOTHING while all of us were trying to control his glucose! ??.
Image credits: ThymeLordess
#18
Nurse, not doctor. Men still constantly lie about their height to us when we’re trying to fill out their charts. Even to the male doctors and nurses! I’m pretty tall, so I can tell immediately when the person who’s saying they’re 5’11 is actually 5’8.
Image credits: anon
#19
Respiratory here- 50% of people won’t admit they smoke. I can smell it on their clothes.
Image credits: Fun_Organization3857
#20
Nurse here. Had parents bring their 3 year old son to the emergency department for one month of abdominal pain that kept getting worse. I ask all the routine questions for this complaint, lots of questions about his poop….is it bloody? Diarrhea? Mucous? When was his last bowel movement? Any changes in the stool? They deny any other concerning symptoms but abdominal pain.
We do bloodwork, ultrasound, X-ray. Everything comes back completely normal but the kid is intermittently screaming in pain, curled in a ball.
Over the next 5 hours I continue to repeat the same questions, I asked repeatedly if there was anything else going on that they could think of….nope.
The kid just doesn’t seem well but we have no reason to keep him, we decide to watch him a little longer, let him eat. The kid eats a bunch, a PBJ, apple juice, crackers, popsicle, no pain so we decide to send them home.
I bring in the discharge paperwork and I’m about to start going over instructions and they dad goes “You know…..for the past 3 months he’s had A LOT of worms in his poop”
WORMS. F*****g worms. You spent 6+ hours denying worms. I literally just turned around and walked out of the room without saying a word. I was laughing almost to the point of tears. Could not wait to tell my resident. Deworming medications, a s**t load of wasted time, and they were on their way.
Image credits: Itchy_Apple_3978
#21
This one is sad, from my old roommate.
Girl had a very large lump on her breast that she didn't tell the doctors about. She actually went to the hospital for migraines, saying they were getting increasingly bad. When they found the lump, they asked why she didn't say she had that.
She said she knew it was going to k*ll her eventually, but she just wanted to get rid of the migraines because they giving her a lot of pain in her last months.
Image credits: amusedLocust4
#22
Other than all the random things that end up in rectums accidentally?
Drunk electrician with the longest drill bit I've ever seen sticking through both legs and impaling his s*****m in between like a really gross kabob. He was so drunk he thought he broke his hip, denied owning any drill bits or for that matter having been drinking.
Image credits: ListenFun694
#23
Adimission H&P. Do you smoke? No. Did you smoke? Yes. When did you quit? When I came to the hospital.
Image credits: osteopathetic1
#24
NAD, but I was present at the hospital when the patient lied to the doctor and nurse. After the ER visit, I was admitted to the hospital just in time for lunch. There was an elderly lady in the room with me. She finished her lunch and seeing that I hadn’t touched mine, she asked if she could eat mine too. A few hours later, a nurse came into the room to check the lady’s blood sugar, which was, of course, off the charts. She had received insulin before her meal (and before I arrived so I didn’t know about the diabetes), but it didn’t cover both meals. The nurse called the doctor because she couldn’t understand how her sugar suddenly spiked. The lady persistently denied eating two meals.
Image credits: Ok-Respect-1465
#25
Dentist here, I can tell you don't brush or floss just admit it, not gonna change my treatment plan.
Image credits: guocamole
#26
My dermatologist told me once that a woman came into his office saying she had a suspicious mole between her breasts.
She wouldn’t remove her bra so he could look at it because it was “embarrassing.”
Evidently, it was not the first time she had said something so ridiculous.
He was fed up with her by then and dropped her as a patient.
Image credits: BlueGreen_1956
#27
Had a lady come to the ER about 3 times for dizziness and poor balance. Alcohol level about .230 or so each time but she refused to admit she had been drinking. Her husband went to bat for her, how she’d been sober for nine months. Neither would admit that she relapsed despite ample opportunity to come clean and not lose face. They stuck to the story that her body must be endogenously producing ethanol, because they read about it online. They demanded she be admitted for more tests.
I told them how great an idea that was. I told them how as an inpatient unable to get outside food and drink, we could keep her overnight and simply recheck her alcohol level in the morning. If her body was producing its own alcohol, of course it would go up. If she had been drinking surreptitiously and not have access to booze in the hospital, of course it would go down. Her husband thought that was a brilliant idea and I watched her face completely sink. Checkmate liar.
#28
Not me but my sister is a radiographer. Years ago when she was a student they had someone who came in with an apple stuck up his a**e. His story was that he was locked out of the house and while trying to break in through the kitchen window, he’d slipped and fell on the fruit bowl. It’s my absolute favourite story.
Image credits: sarahc13289
#29
A lot of older male patients “forget” they have a penile prosthesis with pump until it shows up on their imaging.
Image credits: nbikkasa
#30
Had a guy come in complaining that he got something in his eyes while at work. Sat him down. Got the microscope. Looked and s**t was moving on the lashed. He had crabs of the eyelashes. Nasty. Told him to be more careful about what he was eating. Workman’s Comp denied. Lol.
Image credits: anon
#31
Maybe not that weird but when I was an intern, I had a patient who was admitted because he had a cucumber stuck up his r****m. When I was taking his medical history (I did not ask about the cucumber at all, just general questions about his past medical history), he was overly adamant that he didn’t know how the cucumber got there and that it must’ve been his friends playing some bad prank on him. He said he woke up in the shower and it was there. He then asked me for advice on whether he should sue his friends and have them arrested.
Image credits: iAmCorgi
#32
I'm an x-ray tech. I x-rayed a guy's foot that was clearly infected. He told me a very long and elaborate story about surfing in Mexico and scraping his foot against a rock that caused the infection. I believed his story at first. Then he tells me that he was treating the infected foot by wrapping it in Swiffer wet pads and turpentine.. He made other odd statements.
Anyway, after I finished his x-ray I saw in his chart that he shoots up h*roin in his foot and that was the reason for the infection.
#33
Not a doctor but well over 20 years ago my uncle lit a bottle rocket, when it didn’t go off he stood over it til it hit him in the eye. He went to the hospital and INSISTED he hit himself with a hammer because he couldn’t admit how stupid he really was, as if they could tell the difference from a massive burn and an impact wound? Wild what people will lie about.
#34
I’m a nurse, years ago in ortho we had an iv d**g user admitted with a large cyst, he’d already lost one leg through d**g use. He was adamant he was not doing d***s when he locked himself in the toilet for an hour, came out all over the place and the toilet was full of d**g paraphernalia! He still denied it, must have been someone else’s stuff!
#35
I had to tell a patient we had to amputate his foot because he had gangrene. The patient wouldn’t even entertain the idea he had a problem. He’d only talk about a BMW he planned to buy. Every time I’d steer the conversation back to his foot, he’d talk about this BMW as if he hadn’t heard a word.
#36
There was one case in ER, where girl (15) was brought with barely consciousness and repeatedly vomiting episodes and on asking parents gave history of vomiting and fever.
So ultimately case was listed has dehydration.
But on further history by medical students they admitted of girl drinking pesticides by mistake.
After that immediately treatment but weird thing was the parents were very chill and were discussing freely how her brother gave her wrong bottle for cough and drank it (they were laughing on same)
Sometimes people think poisoning thing very lightly and they don’t give you perfect history and they blame on medical stuff when there is any issue.
#37
One of my first on-call shifts as an Anesthesiology resident..a patient came to the OR in the middle of the night for incision and drainage of an abscess in his jaw. The case itself was uneventful but as we’re removing the endotracheal tube, he coughed up a fair amount of blood..not unexpected given the nature of the operation. Some of this blood managed to bypass my facial protective equipment and ended up in my eye (yes, it was disgusting).
In the recovery unit, I asked him all the relevant questions regarding IV d**g use, unprotected sexual activity, and transmissible infections. His response to all of those was, of course, a resounding NO. His bloodwork, however, told a different story when the results came back positive for Hepatitis C.
Suffice it to say, getting “Morgan Lensed” in the emergency department at 4am near the tail end of a 24hr call shift was the closest thing to Chinese waterboarding that I’ve ever had to endure. (For those of you who are wondering, I luckily did not contract Hep C after this incident.).
#38
Just a tech at the time, but at one point I worked in the microbiology lab of a hospital and was friends with an X-ray tech. If it comes out of a body during a procedure , it went to me. If someone gets a scan, he was there. So we shared stories of what the other missed on different shifts (no PII), or he would provide perspective since he saw actual patients and I only ever got samples.
Apparently a small but notable percentage of people that come in with interesting things stuck in their lower bowels have NO IDEA how the items got there. 6 glass coke bottles? Total mystery. A dozen hot-wheels cars in condoms? No idea but maybe a practical joke by a friend. A 16 oz canning jar filled with film canisters containing a white substance? Probably planted by cops that brought him in but not sure.
#39
I was once in A&E having IV hydration after a bout of food poisoning had left me unable to keep any fluids down for a few days. In the bed opposite mine was a portly, middle-aged chap in a flamboyant dinner jacket admitted with chest pains. He’d been at a dinner party and was upset the hosts had insisted on bringing him to hospital before serving dessert. Well he was adamant he’d been fit as a fiddle up until that point, couldn’t *possibly* be heart trouble. Until the nurse points out that his notes state he’d had a pacemaker fitted in the late ’90s and a coronary bypass in the mid ’00s. Well, apart from *that*, he’d never had any trouble! I had to hold my laughter in for fear of s******g myself with the food poisoning.
#40
One lady came in with a bowel obstruction saying that the only previous surgery she had had was some bowel removal from a previous obstruction. Her abdomen was COVERED in surgical scars but she was insistent that that was the only surgery she’d ever had. Read her notes and came back and got her to admit she’d had her gallbladder, appendix, ovaries AND uterus removed. She was missing basically half of her abdominal contents but refused to admit it?? Patients are weird sometimes.
#41
I’m a dentist. And I often encounter patients who clearly did not brush their teeth in ages coming with stains and tar tar. And then telling me that they don’t know how they got it. And that they’ve been brushing their teeth all the time.
Or sometimes patients who smoke. You can clearly tell from some signs that they smoke. And they even smell of cigarettes but they won’t admit it at all. I find it weird. Who are you trying to fool man. I just pretend to agree with them because I obviously can’t pressure them into admitting something they don’t want to. I’m a Dentist not a detective ?.
#42
Not a doctor, but work with health care workers every 2 moons. A pot smoker that reeked of weed denied and even yelled at the doctor and nurse about not smoking weed or smoke in general when asked if they smoke. Kind of a common question to ask. I over heard this the person was that loud. Weed is legal where I live. Caught the person smoking a joint outside between the walk in and xray building. Why lie about this and make a scene. Weird.
#43
Another one is when I was working in Trauma ICU. We had this idiot that clearly shot himself in the hip while putting a gun in his pocket/side. He claimed someone came from behind and shot him. that's the story he gave the cop too.
#44
IM ward. Truck driver, male was in for CHF and we had to transfer him to another hospital for cardiac surgery. HIV tests came back positive. Wouldn’t admit to cheating on his 25 year wife, wouldn’t tell her about his diagnosis (in my country it is illegal for us to reveal unless the patient is
#45
Not a doc, but I do medical massage and it’s always baffling when people don’t give me very major parts of their health history. I’ve made a habit of asking CRIMPHH questions even after reading through paperwork because people just don’t list really important information.
The one that started it all: one of my patients had a pretty clean health history on paper, nothing listed under surgeries, medications, or cardiovascular issues. Get the massage started, asking follow up questions as I go, and suddenly he remembers that he’s on blood thinners and he’s had a pace maker put in about 2 years ago. Cool, cool. Continue working… oh yeah, and he also had a hip replacement and arthritis in the left knee.
#46
Not a doctor… But my wife is in healthcare. It’s weird when trans people won’t tell their healthcare providers their actual sex. Like this isn’t about pronouns, it’s about knowing how to help you and give you the proper and effective doses of d***s. Like come on.
#47
I was the patient in this situation but, I lied to the hospital staff (and also to all of my friends and family) about my (not very well executed) s*icide attempt at age 17. I was embarrassed and felt very guilty for attempting.
I told everyone that I got an enormous nearly 4 inch gaping wound on my bicep that required 18 stitches, by "accidentally dropping the phone I was holding to my shoulder with my ear, while I was busy cleaning up broken glass, and stupidly cut myself by accident with my other hand by trying to catch the falling phone".
The most f****d up part is that absolutely everyone I told that to completely bought my story, until I finally came clean about what had really happened like 5 years later at age 23.
For those five years the only person who knew the truth was my (now ex) girlfriend.
#48
One thing I noticed a LOT when I worked in allergy was patients lying about taking allergy pills.
First off, if you take an allergy pill before an appointment that’s scheduled for allergen testing, CANCEL the appointment. We’re testing up to 113 things at once. It takes a long time to set up, and you have to sit for the next 20 minutes and watch for a reaction. It’s a colossal waste of time for everyone involved.
You can try and lie all you want, but we know. You think I’m going to set all that s**t up and not have a control? At least one of the sticks is a histamine. YOU WILL react to it. Unless you’ve taken an allergy pill. No reaction, the test is invalid.
And don’t even think about pulling that s**t with your kids. You think I liked setting up all this, listening to the kid scream while they try and fight you off, then cry for the next 20 minutes, only for NOTHING.
It was probably an accident, and sometimes s**t happens. Don’t keep the appointment, and if for some reason you do, don’t lie about something as mundane as a zyrtec.
#49
Not doctor but work in vet hospital, in a state where weed is legal. People still never wanna admit they have weed in the house and there’s always absolutely no way their dog could have gotten into weed- trust me when I say nobody is judging you! At most we poke fun at your dog for being schtoney baloney. Some people get so horrified when the techs ask if there’s weed in the house as if they’re being accused of lighting up a joint and letting the family dog take a hit lmao.
#50
My wife is an ER doc and has hundreds of stories about people lying about things that are very obviously not true. Countless stories of people swearing they don't do d***s even though she's looking at their blood test results. Or criminals who were bitten by police dogs who were doing nothing wrong and can't understand why the dog would have bitten them.
But my favorite was the guy with a Frank's hot sauce bottle stuck up his butt. It was full of hot sauce. He told her that he had gotten out of the shower and was cutting across the kitchen to go get a towel. He slipped, knocked the bottle off the counter and landed on it. She said, "OK. Now tell me again what happened." She asked him to tell her the story four times and he stuck to it.
I guess their new slogan could be "I put that s**t IN everything."
#51
Patient came in saying they thought they had a UTI and wanted to be tested. I said okay please provide a urine sample.
They came back out with a urine cup filled with clear liquid. Like… completely clear. Not pale pale yellow, like crystal clear. Like clearly water.
I said – is this water or urine? They just shrugged.
I said, can you please go back in and bring back urine instead?
And they came back with urine. And they had a UTI, and we gave them antibiotics.
#52
From a friends 30 years in ER, the one that sticks with me is:
the gentleman who needed help removing the inner tube of a ballpoint pen (the tube with the ink) from his p*nis. Gentleman swore black and blue that he’d slipped and ‘stabbed’ himself by accident. The tone in my friends voice when she said “and to think we all believed him the first time!”.
#53
That she wasn’t injecting her stool in her picc line…she was…and it happened more than once.
#54
Patients who deny smoking inside their hospital room. Like your room smells like cigarettes and you have a cup full of burnt cigarette butts … but sure ok. I’m that dumb.
#55
Not a doctor, but a nurse. When you come in to the hospital wanting to detox, and I ask you how much you drink, please stop lying to me. Withdrawal from alcohol is NASTY but I can make it a little more bearable. If it’s 2 bottles of vodka a day, TELL ME so I can medicate you accordingly. You’ll thank me later when you aren’t having a seizure.
#56
Woman in gynaecology who suddenly presented with chlamydia. Had been married to her husband for 15 years and never slept with anyone else. On tracing, Husband also tested positive and was plainly evasive. The woman asked where she could have gotten it from, and when told it was an STI proceeded to completely deny that her husband could have given it to her, even though he also needed to be treated and was uncomfortable whenever the source of the infection was brought up. Denial was easier than facing up to the fact he cheated. She proceeded through follow ups afterwards blanking whenever it was mentioned that she had had chlamydia.
#57
Not a doctor, but I work with patients in healthcare. I perform a test that is strict NPO preceeding it, and yes, if you don’t follow those instructions, it ruins the test, and you’ll probably have to repeat it.
I never directly challenge someone on what they tell me, but strongly emphasize the importance of following the prep – at the least for the sake of not wasting everyone’s time. It’s not uncommon for the person who promised they followed the prep to change their story and ultimately reschedule the appointment. But I NEVER try to shame someone for “messing up.” I just give them the right info and reschedule them.
Well… I had one guy, older, retired, show up for an appointment one day. He swore he followed the instructions to the letter and hadn’t eaten anything all morning. I checked his blood sugar (part of the test) and it was pretty darn high. High sugars doesn’t always mean the person didn’t follow instructions, but it’s a cue for me to ask a few more questions…
So I explained to the guy why the NPO part matters, and he swears he didn’t eat anything, but after a little more prodding, admitted that all he had was his morning “vitamin supplements” but nothing else. Ok, progress, “what kind of supplement?” I asked. Well, sure enough, his answer was obtuse and any questions I asked about it were generally replied with “I’m not sure.”
Eventually, after getting nowhere, I tell him if he can give me the name of it, I’ll look the product up and the ingredient list will tell me what I need to know. He says sure, but has to call his wife.
Strangely, the conversation with his wife was just as vague, and his wife was obviously a little confused about what he needed. He referred to this product as his “vitamins” but “no, not those vitamins” and proceeded to describe it as his “juice.” The obviously confused wife couldn’t figure it out until the guys specified – “y’know, the thing I drank THIS MORNING” (and yes, he strongly emphasized “this morning”). Bells rang, and the wife immediately knew what to grab.
I’ve got my phone out, Amazon app up (he had said that’s where he bought the “juice”), and he repeats the name to me… “Primal Force X Mens…” he trailed off, but I figured that was enough to go off.
As soon as he said the name, I knew it was going to be a no-go for the test – assuming it was some sort of energy drink or pre-workout type supplement. But, to humor him, I clicked on the link to check out the ingredients….
Nope, it was actually not just some regular ole pre-workout or energy drink. It was, in fact, a men’s libido enhancement supplement, or, as my colleague dubbed it, “old man d**k juice.” The slogan on the bottle was something along the lines of “go longer, go harder, go stronger.”
My patient, despite having a 730 am appt, was busy boning his wife beforehand and really needed his d**k juice to make it happen. I got (more) ads for male enhancement for like 3 months after that. Lol
The best part was, at the start of the encounter, he complained how tired he was from having to get up so early. Well, pal, maybe you should have stayed in bed instead of playing in bed ?.
#58
Not very weird, but annoying nonetheless.
I’m a Spanish cardiologist.
I see many patients with ischemic heart disease in which it’s very important to reduce LDL cholesterol levels to improve prognosis.
We often have to use for this cholesterol pills,(statins and Ezetimibe), and in those cases in which target level is not reached, we use very expensive parenteral medication (PCSK9 inhibitors).
When I see a patient’s LDL is high despite correct dosage of oral medication, the first thing I have to do sadly is ask the patient if they are taking their pills every day.
99% of people say: “yes, of course I am”.
But they don’t know that with our software we doctors can check whether they have bought their pills or not, at what pharmacy and even the date of the purchase.
And then I see that the supposedly good compliant patient isn’t buying their pills or is buying a 30 pills blister pack every 3 months. And that they just lied to their doctor. Like we say in Spain: “se coge antes a un mentiroso que a un cojo”. Translated: ” it’s easier to catch a liar than a lame”.
When I confront them with these facts they usually shrug their shoulders and insist that they take them correctly, although some of them thankfully admit that they just lied to me. These are adults patients usually 50+ years old.
Don’t lie to your doctors, we just want the best for you.
#59
Pt comes in with broken foot, ankle and tib/fib “I was jogging down the street and idk”
Me: how tf did you do
Attending: so how did this happen jogging
Admit to ortho
Ortho resident – did you guys make this a trauma? He’s saying he got hit by a car
Pt – I didn’t think you guys would believe I brought myself here after getting hit by a car
-…………..- what.
