Woman Says Daughter Should’ve Married Her Sister’s Husband First, Doesn’t Get Why It’s Upsetting

When people commit to a relationship, they have to be prepared to not only resourcefully manage the issues that might arise inside of it but also be ready to address any external factors that may intrude on it. These imposing outsiders often happen to be family members who can’t seem to keep their controversial opinions to themselves and can be notoriously difficult to deal with.

This Reddit user’s marriage was shaken up by her mom, who told her that her sister should have married her husband instead of her. Her sibling also didn’t help the case, as she would frequently hang out with him alone and always bring up the fact that she was his former crush. Having received quite a few disrespectful comments about her relationship, she became very upset and turned online for perspective.

Rarely do people enjoy hearing disrespectful comments about their relationship

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This woman was no exception, especially because they came from her own mother

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If a couple allows chronic intrusiveness, it can greatly disturb or threaten their relationship

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Filtering your family’s opinions on your relationship can be difficult. Our default mode is to think that parents know what is best for us—even if we’re in our 40s and have a pretty good understanding of life. Some may fear disapproval and seek acceptance and validation from their primary caregivers, as they were accustomed to doing in their younger years.

On the other hand, parents might feel that they have a say in their child’s life because they brought them into the world and raised them. But they aren’t offering their opinions out of ill will. They are more concerned about their children and mean well when they provide advice.

Parents may also have issues in their own relationship that they try to fix or prevent in their children’s partnerships. Or they aren’t aware that they’re crossing boundaries that are causing problems between the couple.

Whatever the case, if a couple allows chronic intrusiveness to get to them, it can greatly disturb or threaten their relationship. Even though close-knit families are a rare gift, excessive parental involvement can create significant tension and difficulties.

Dealing with intrusive family members requires understanding and compassion

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Dealing with intrusive family members requires understanding, compassion, and restraint from reacting in a critical or irritated way. If a conversation is leaning into the boundary-crossing territory, it can be revisited the next day after everyone has time to think it through and calm down without escalating the situation further.

When a child limits contact with parents when they try to interfere, they’re also setting a healthy boundary. The family members most likely will take a hint that their toxic behavior isn’t going to be tolerated. Many children don’t establish boundaries with their primary caregivers before adulthood, and it’s completely normal to do so later in life. Boundaries put everyone on the same page and make it clear what behavior isn’t going to slide.

Additionally, it might be beneficial to be selective about what someone shares with their parents, who tend to force their opinions onto them. If they have certain subjects that trigger them, make sure to not bring them up.

In the meantime, the couple should continue to build trust in themselves and their relationship. Partners who have strong trust in each other are less likely to let advice from family hinder their connection. They know that they are secure enough to handle whatever comment they’re thrown their way.

It might be impossible to tune out 100% of others’ opinions and if we don’t care about them at all, we may push away the people we value the most. So it’s okay to value the beliefs of others, just not to a point where it becomes more important than our own.